For anyone who has ever watched Monty Python, Fawlty Towers or any other of the numerous classic vignettes John Cleese has been involved with and appreciated him and his incredible comedic skills, here is a brief piece of humor he penned.
The
English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent events in Syria and
have therefore raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved."
Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or
even "A Bit Cross." The English have not been "A Bit Cross" since the
blitz in 1940 when tea supplies nearly ran out. Terrorists have been
re-categorized from "Tiresome" to "A Bloody Nuisance." The last time the
British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was in 1588, when
threatened by the Spanish Armada.
The Scots have raised their
threat level from "Pissed Off" to "Let's get the Bastards." They don't
have any other levels. This is the reason they have been used on the
front line of the British army for the last 300 years.
The
French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror
alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France
are "Collaborate" and "Surrender." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability.
Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly"
to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective
Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans have
increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in
Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels:
"Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand,
are all on holiday as usual; the only threat they are worried about is
NATO pulling out of Brussels ..
The Spanish are all excited to
see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed
subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good
look at the old Spanish navy.
Australia, meanwhile, has raised
its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, Mate." Two
more escalation levels remain: "Crikey! I think we'll need to cancel the
barbie this weekend!" and "The barbie is cancelled." So far no
situation has ever warranted use of the last final escalation level.
Regards,
John Cleese
