A while back a Vice President in a division of a certain Fortune 500 company (we’ll call him B) suffered a nervous breakdown. When the incident occurred the company sent the unfortunate soul to counseling. The counselor, after a few sessions, decided that what was called for was a drastic change of venue and tasks for this individual and prescribed such a course of action. It just so happened that the counselor’s brother was a farmer and at the time needed some help for some unpleasant chores on his farm. The counselor explained to B that since the underlying cause of his breakdown was all the stress he was under from his pressure-packed white-collar job, what he needed was some time off from the unhealthy office environment and a good stint of manual labor in a bucolic setting.
Having decided this, he made B sign a consent form that for a month he would answer no telephones, would not check email or the Internet and that he would head out to his brother’s farm and follow the farmer’s instructions to the letter. B’s last act before heading out to the country was relinquishing his Blackberry, cell phone and laptop to the counselor who dutifully promised they would be waiting for him safe and sound upon his return from the cure.
B arrived at the farm with some trepidation since he had never done any manual labor in his life, but the farmer soon set him at ease. After a healthy dinner at five p.m. the farmer showed him his room and explained that the next day at five a.m. he would awake B and hand him his first assignment.
The next day the farmer told B what his first task would be. “According to my brother,” he said, “you’re here for a month. The farm has 45 acres. 44 of them need to be fertilized. Normally I would bring a truck in and do this myself, but since you are here to recover from your incident through manual labor you are going to fertilize the entire 44 acres by hand. You will take the cow dung, shape it into round pies with your hands and drop these patties in a symmetrical pattern 100 feet apart throughout the entire farm except for the acre the house and barn sit on. I have calculated that this task will take you about two weeks, excepting Sundays which are your day of rest. Do you have any questions?”
“Seems pretty straightforward,” replied B and set off to fertilize.
That same evening, B returned to the farm house covered from head to toe in manure and said to the farmer, “All done.”
The farmer’s jaw dropped in disbelief, but when he went out in his tractor to inspect B’s work he found the claim to be true. He couldn’t believe his eyes. The entire 44 acres were completely fertilized to his specifications.
The next day he gave B his second assignment. “Over in the coop you will find about 2,000 chickens. Although modern technology has found a use for almost every part of the chicken the wholesalers still do not buy the head from me. I need you to go into the coop, chase every chicken down and decapitate each one. The truck is coming in a week to collect the carcasses so you have until then. Any questions?”
B merely shrugged and wandered off in the direction of the coop. That evening, he came back, completely covered in feathers and blood and laconically reported to the farmer. “Finished,” he muttered.
The farmer was surprised but by now realized that this corporate type was no ordinary individual so he strode off to the coop to inspect B’s handiwork. Sure enough, all the chickens were decapitated, with their bodies lined up perfectly and the heads off to the side in a separate pile. The farmer marveled at B’s productivity and thought that it was no wonder that Corporate America was the world leader in business (right?). How could it not be with denizens of B’s efficiency within its ranks.
The next day the farmer reluctantly handed B his last assignment. “You know B,” he said, “I had thought that I would have enough work for you for the entire month, but when you’re done with this last task I’m going to call my brother and tell him you’re ready to go back to work. I must say though that if you want to stay here and help around the farm I’ll be more than glad to hire you because you’re the most efficient farmhand I’ve ever come across. Anyway, your last chore is in the barn. There you’ll find two tons of potatoes, all interspersed. There are large potatoes and small potatoes. Your task is to separate them into two piles since the big ones will be taken away and packaged as bakers and the smaller ones go to fast food chains for fries. I had budgeted a week for you to complete this task, but seeing the way you’ve tackled the last two jobs I expect you’ll be done in no time at all. Any questions?”
“Not really,” replied B and off he went.
A week went by and the farmer began to wonder. B had not come back from the barn and reported. Nevertheless, his brother’s instructions had been adamant. Under no circumstances was he to intrude upon B during his assignments as B had to work out his issues by himself. Time continued to pass with no word from B until the entire month was up. Finally the farmer went to the barn to see for himself. He walked into the barn and saw B standing in front of the mountain of potatoes. It didn’t seem as if B had even begun to separate the spuds. As he drew nearer he saw that B had a potato in each hand and was staring at them quizzically. There was an eerie silence and he could see B was sweating profusely. He had a panic-stricken, confused look on his face. The farmer touched B lightly on the shoulder and B jumped, his hands shaking as he dropped the two potatoes to the floor.
The farmer gently asked, “B, what seems to be the problem? You did so well on the other two assignments. I expected you to knock this one out no problem, but here I find you with the first two potatoes in your hand after almost three weeks. Please tell me, what went wrong?”
“Well, you know I’m a Vice President in a Fortune 500 company,” B replied, “so let me explain. When it comes to spreading bullshit around or cutting heads I’m excellent, but for heaven’s sake, please don’t ask me to make a decision. I’m clueless at that.”
Having decided this, he made B sign a consent form that for a month he would answer no telephones, would not check email or the Internet and that he would head out to his brother’s farm and follow the farmer’s instructions to the letter. B’s last act before heading out to the country was relinquishing his Blackberry, cell phone and laptop to the counselor who dutifully promised they would be waiting for him safe and sound upon his return from the cure.
B arrived at the farm with some trepidation since he had never done any manual labor in his life, but the farmer soon set him at ease. After a healthy dinner at five p.m. the farmer showed him his room and explained that the next day at five a.m. he would awake B and hand him his first assignment.
The next day the farmer told B what his first task would be. “According to my brother,” he said, “you’re here for a month. The farm has 45 acres. 44 of them need to be fertilized. Normally I would bring a truck in and do this myself, but since you are here to recover from your incident through manual labor you are going to fertilize the entire 44 acres by hand. You will take the cow dung, shape it into round pies with your hands and drop these patties in a symmetrical pattern 100 feet apart throughout the entire farm except for the acre the house and barn sit on. I have calculated that this task will take you about two weeks, excepting Sundays which are your day of rest. Do you have any questions?”
“Seems pretty straightforward,” replied B and set off to fertilize.
That same evening, B returned to the farm house covered from head to toe in manure and said to the farmer, “All done.”
The farmer’s jaw dropped in disbelief, but when he went out in his tractor to inspect B’s work he found the claim to be true. He couldn’t believe his eyes. The entire 44 acres were completely fertilized to his specifications.
The next day he gave B his second assignment. “Over in the coop you will find about 2,000 chickens. Although modern technology has found a use for almost every part of the chicken the wholesalers still do not buy the head from me. I need you to go into the coop, chase every chicken down and decapitate each one. The truck is coming in a week to collect the carcasses so you have until then. Any questions?”
B merely shrugged and wandered off in the direction of the coop. That evening, he came back, completely covered in feathers and blood and laconically reported to the farmer. “Finished,” he muttered.
The farmer was surprised but by now realized that this corporate type was no ordinary individual so he strode off to the coop to inspect B’s handiwork. Sure enough, all the chickens were decapitated, with their bodies lined up perfectly and the heads off to the side in a separate pile. The farmer marveled at B’s productivity and thought that it was no wonder that Corporate America was the world leader in business (right?). How could it not be with denizens of B’s efficiency within its ranks.
The next day the farmer reluctantly handed B his last assignment. “You know B,” he said, “I had thought that I would have enough work for you for the entire month, but when you’re done with this last task I’m going to call my brother and tell him you’re ready to go back to work. I must say though that if you want to stay here and help around the farm I’ll be more than glad to hire you because you’re the most efficient farmhand I’ve ever come across. Anyway, your last chore is in the barn. There you’ll find two tons of potatoes, all interspersed. There are large potatoes and small potatoes. Your task is to separate them into two piles since the big ones will be taken away and packaged as bakers and the smaller ones go to fast food chains for fries. I had budgeted a week for you to complete this task, but seeing the way you’ve tackled the last two jobs I expect you’ll be done in no time at all. Any questions?”
“Not really,” replied B and off he went.
A week went by and the farmer began to wonder. B had not come back from the barn and reported. Nevertheless, his brother’s instructions had been adamant. Under no circumstances was he to intrude upon B during his assignments as B had to work out his issues by himself. Time continued to pass with no word from B until the entire month was up. Finally the farmer went to the barn to see for himself. He walked into the barn and saw B standing in front of the mountain of potatoes. It didn’t seem as if B had even begun to separate the spuds. As he drew nearer he saw that B had a potato in each hand and was staring at them quizzically. There was an eerie silence and he could see B was sweating profusely. He had a panic-stricken, confused look on his face. The farmer touched B lightly on the shoulder and B jumped, his hands shaking as he dropped the two potatoes to the floor.
The farmer gently asked, “B, what seems to be the problem? You did so well on the other two assignments. I expected you to knock this one out no problem, but here I find you with the first two potatoes in your hand after almost three weeks. Please tell me, what went wrong?”
“Well, you know I’m a Vice President in a Fortune 500 company,” B replied, “so let me explain. When it comes to spreading bullshit around or cutting heads I’m excellent, but for heaven’s sake, please don’t ask me to make a decision. I’m clueless at that.”
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